This article was last updated on September 5, 2017
Why in the hell would you move on from a relationship when you are still in love? This makes no sense in many ways, but does make sense in so many other ways. This usually happens when your partner is a complete asshole but you’re still holding on to how this person previously treated you or from their past actions. Relationships are harder investments to walk away from than an investment with money.
Giving someone all of you is different than the exchange of funds. We are wired to want and need love and the value of someone’s love that is not a friend or family member is greater for most. That last statement is weird, yet true for most. You should not leave until all has been exhausted. When I say all, I mean all efforts of keeping things together. Never give any human being all of you. Invest that effort into your self-discovery and self-fulfillment.
Your ROI (Return on Investment) is greater when you invest in yourself first, unless your child is gifted in sports or some artistry that is guaranteed to make a ton of money. If you have a gifted child save some effort for them as well. Lol. I was just kidding, always give your kids great effort but not just for the gifted. Now let’s talk about how to leave when you are still in love, or while your partner still thinks you’re in love.
Love
Love is a deep romantic or sexual attachment to a person. I am totally and only directing all content to intimate relationships, just to withdraw confusion. Are you just in love with the idea of being in love? There needs to be an understanding developed on the emotions that have you in a relationship that you want to move on from while still in love. Love is based on the foundation of the relationship. The foundation is what the attraction is to your partner. Why do you love the person that you’re with? Is it the person’s physical appearance, money, possible future, or the fact that the person catered to your every need?
None of that should be the foundation of a relationship. The foundation must be a combination of many things and none of them are superficial. Foundational things that should bring the emotion of love are: they inspire and or motivate you, they are supportive of all dreams and goals, non-judgmental, emotional and physically supportive, caring, friendship, sharing, and understanding. All other things are what I would call furniture that you decorate the house with. This means the house is the foundation and the furniture is the physical looks, money, and the great treatment.
What is the investment?
So now that we have established what love is, why are you looking to move on and how much have you invested? How much of you have you given to this relationship and what are you losing by leaving? It’s always harder to leave your best friend that has been by your side for many years. Is your future tied up into this relationship? Now, what you must realize is that your investment in the relationship is LOST once you decide to move on. No, you can’t have the gifts back, and there is no return of effort or time. I wanted to touch on investment because it can hinder a person from leaving a relationship that is no longer working for both.
Exhaustion of all efforts
What have you done to keep the relationship going and has it been genuine or forced? When and if you decide to move on, regret can’t exist. When you’re single and you ask yourself the question of what you did to keep it going, there needs to be multiple answers. You can move on to something else and you know you left something on the table. You can know that it will not lead to positive change, but you still must make the effort. The effort should be things like talking, dates, gifts, sex, compromise, distance, and a host of other things to try and change the mood. Exhaustion of all efforts helps remove the regret when moving on from the relationship.
The Why
Why are you still in love and looking to move on? The relationship should be at a point that it’s unbearable for this to now be a consideration. This person must be at his or her most selfish and inconsiderate point. Your partner is cheating, physically and or mentally harmful, or just existing. You should never be in a relationship that is abusive physically and or mentally and that should go without saying. If you are with a person and they add nothing to your life then this should be a reason to move on as well. Any relationship should be beneficial for both people and not just one. Both should give and bring something to the table that benefits the life of the other person.
Joy is a benefit, support, inspiration, and motivation. If the money has run low and he or she is having a hard time and you’re looking to leave then you were in the relationship for all the wrong reasons. If your why for leaving is strong and your efforts have surpassed the why then moving on is the best way to go. That relationship happened for a reason and it may not be clear initially but it will become clear in the future. Be confident in your decision. You know when time is up and that feeling of wanting to leave is a clear indicator. Your instincts will lead you the right way in relationships and put your best interest before anything else.
Decision Notice
The hardest part about the process of moving on is informing the person that you’re moving on. What always gets in the way of this process going smoothly is ego. This fragile piece of a person is shattered when the person is no longer wanted. The reason why I touched base with the subtopics is to set you up to make the right decision and make it a final decision. The person receiving the news of the breakup never takes it smoothly.
That does not matter to you and the delivery of the message. You have analyzed all aspects and have given great efforts. This decision was made with logic and emotion. You have decided that the most important person of the two of you is your emotions. You made the sacrifices that were needed, your love was unconditional, and you exhausted all your efforts. No companion’s feelings and emotions are greater than yours.
The After
The decision is rough but you are stern and know what is best for you and your feelings. Now you are alone and that relationship took a toll on you mentally and you don’t know how to date someone else. You need to do one thing after a break-up. You need to date yourself and love yourself after a meaningful relationship. This period of dating yourself and loving yourself helps you heal those wounds and bring yourself back.
You will have to interact with others of course, but make sure the others are positive and loving individuals. Make sure any environment you are in, are full of life and love. Don’t ask for advice from others, because you don’t need advice on what is best for you. Only you know what’s best for your life, because it’s your life. Take control and embrace the pain. You fix the pain with love but it starts with self-love. No one else will love you as you want if you don’t love yourself first.
